Why Repentance Feels Hard and Why It Shouldn't

Through the years, I’ve wrestled with the word “repentance” and its layers. Growing up, it felt like a scary equation: you mess up, face the consequences, and then desperately hope for God’s forgiveness. My young mind concluded the safest route was simply to never make any mistakes – thus, never needing to repent.

I’m sure you can imagine how that turned out.

In my late teens and twenties, I found myself in the thick of scrupulosity, an exhausting, never-ending quest for a flawless version of myself. Ironically, I even saw perfectionism as something I needed to repent of, leading to the absurd goal of being perfect at not being a perfectionist. Oh, boy!

As I got older, I was introduced to the idea of repentance being like the Hebrew word teshuvah (תְּשׁוּבָה). I encountered the Hebrew word teshuvah (תְּשׁוּבָה), which offered a new lens on repentance. It shifted from a punitive measure for wrongdoing to a gentle course correction. I’m traveling down one path, realize it’s the wrong one – “oops!” – and simply turn around to get back on track. This resonated deeply, fostering a more loving father/daughter dynamic with Heavenly Father. Mistakes no longer felt like a sentence of doom, but rather a detour, a bit of time wasted on the wrong road. Oh, boy again.

Then I was introduced to the Hebrew word kaphar (כָּפַר) while studying the story of Adam and Eve being clothed by God in the Garden of Eden. Connected to the Atonement, it means not only "to cover" but also "to forgive." This revealed a profound spiritual need to be covered by God’s grace. Just as Adam and Eve were shielded after their transgression, so too can I find that covering. This understanding enriched the meaning of my temple garment as a tangible symbol of that spiritual protection.

Most recently, an immersive eight-hour seminar on Luke 15 – the powerful chapter of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the lost son – introduced me to another key Hebrew word: shuv (שׁוּב). While often translated as "to return," "to turn," or "to go back," its fuller meaning is closer to "to return home" or "to be restored."

But let's linger on shuv for a moment and consider its verb forms. Hebrew has seven primary conjugations. Qal is the simple, active form, while Piel is the intensive, active form. Think about this verse in Deuteronomy:

“And shalt return unto the Lord thy God…” – Deuteronomy 30:2

How do we truly accomplish this return? If the verb here is Piel, it implies an intense, self-driven effort – we’re solely responsible for the arduous journey back. But if it’s Qal, the nuance shifts to a gentler action: we do our best, and then God continues the work.

Consider the very next verse:

“…the Lord thy God will… return and gather thee…” Deuteronomy 30:3

Here, God is doing the returning. The action shifts to Him. It’s as if our role is to signal our desire to be brought home, trusting in His willingness and ability to do so.

The seminar speaker illuminated a fascinating cultural difference in how we view these parables. Western culture often titles them by what was lost: The Lost Sheep, The Lost Coin, The Prodigal Son. But in Eastern thought, the emphasis is on the finder: The Good Shepherd, The Good Woman, The Running Father. Isn’t that truer to our experience? When we repent, do we congratulate ourselves on our stellar repenting skills? No – we offer praise to God for His grace in returning us, in mending our connection with Him.

I’ve said this many times, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop: God’s job is to bring us home (Moses 1:39). Our job is to let Him.

For me, that feels doable.

Wishing you a great Sabbath,

Heather Ruth Pack

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What I'm Currently Studying

I recently picked up a couple of books on Amazon that I wanted to share with you. They’re CSB Scripture Notebooks—each one covers a different book of the Bible. Since I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Gospels, I ordered Matthew and Luke.

These notebooks feature the biblical text on one side and lined pages on the other for note-taking. The CSB (Christian Standard Bible) is a translation I haven’t used before. It was developed by over 100 scholars from various denominations and aims for “Optimal Equivalence”—a balance between accuracy and readability.

I’m looking forward to seeing how it compares to the KJV and NIV, which are my usual go-to translations.